September 3, 2010 
Charlie
6
Food in Poland is really, really cheap. Which is great news for me, because I’m starving and broke. My metabolism is in hyperdrive from all of this blogging and I feel like I’m logging as many hours with a spoon and fork as I’m logging on the bike.
Today I’ve managed to ingest the following:
3 bowls of Corn Flakes
1 bowl of fruit cocktail
1 bowl of raspberry yogurt
4 pieces of toast with jam/ham/cheese and loads of butter
3 scrambled eggs
2 glasses of juice
2 cups of coffee
4 Snickers bars (they’re a bit smaller here)
1 “Grab Bag” of chips
3 bananas
4 large slices of pizza
2 of the best pastries I’ve ever eaten in my life
1 small Coke
2 chicken breasts stuffed with ham, spinach and cheese
1 side salad
1 order of fries
1 giant bowl of pasta with chicken and spinach
2 glasses of milk
2 espressos
1 banana split (!!)
5 liters of Cytomax
(There is also a cream-filled croissant upstairs in my room that is likely going to disappear before I get the lights turned out.)
The really great news is that so far, today’s dining has cost me about ten bucks.
The problem with ingesting this amount of food is that it creates a lot of confusion, especially when you don’t speak the language as the person who possesses the food you want to eat.
For example, I recently dined at McDonald’s (they have free Internet). I was trying to order three McChicken “McMenus” and the guy behind the counter was completely unable to process the order. There I was, one person, ordering three lunches with three different drinks. Surely he didn’t understand something?
He called the manager over. I explained the order again, very carefully, one item at a time, while gesturing at each of the giant photos above the counter. The manager entered the first order into the computer but was physically incapable of entering the second. Every time we got to order number two, the entire system of communication broke down. Each time we failed to complete the order, additional help was enlisted. It was as if there is a law in Poland that prevents any individual from ordering more than one lunch.
After several minutes of this, a crowd of helpers had gathered behind the register in an attempt to interpret my bizarre requests. They were young and old, short and tall, skinny and not-so-skinny, bald and harry – all working side-by-side to understand the crazy American.
Just then, I got an idea. After placing the first order for the fifth or sixth time, I gestured over my shoulder and said, “IT’S FOR MY FRIEND OVER THERE.”
Suddenly we were communicating perfectly and expressions of great relief passed over everyone’s faces. “Ah-ha!” they exclaimed, nodding excitedly at each other. The manager patted one of the younger helpers on the back and I swear I heard a champagne cork pop in the kitchen.
“He has friends.” They thought. “Everything is going to be okay.”
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September 3, 2010
9:43 am
Jody Meyer, Iowa City
HilARious! So glad you still have your sense of humor! Oh yeah, you have friends all right. Even if they can’t eat with you, you can keep feeding your friends. Your metabolism is amazing! Keep on pedaling!
September 3, 2010
11:08 am
Kevin
Darling, Charlie. You are.
September 3, 2010
4:58 pm
Tanya Keith
You crazy American! The only thing that kept them from understanding is that you’re thin!! When I was 5 mos pregnant in Korea shopping for baby gifts, I got some pretty rude “Oh I just thought you were fat” comments. Thin Americans….not the stereotype.
September 3, 2010
8:03 pm
Aunt Mary:Mary Flory
There is nothing better than pretend friends when your real ones aren’t around! Happy pedaling!
September 3, 2010
8:03 pm
Abby Flory
My friends and I love reading about your adventures, you are pretty darn legit! Keep up the good work Charlie:)
September 4, 2010
1:48 pm
Ryan Case from Des Moines
Champagne cork. Hilarious. And yes, we are the friends over your shoulder. Keep it up!